tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23934897371467953802024-03-13T07:16:07.734-05:00Teh ReethsTennessee Reethshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17509718857124842160noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2393489737146795380.post-42280371330536867412017-04-04T23:23:00.001-05:002017-04-04T23:23:47.394-05:00Letters | To Those In My Life, Who I've Let Slip AwayTo Those In My Life Who I've Let Slip Away,<br /> <br /> I wish that you could know my heart, and the way I feel<br /> For doing what I've done.<br /> As I know I haven't made the time<br /> I ought to; and that thought, is something I mind.<br /> <br /> There are battles I've fought,<br /> Battles I've won,<br /> And even then<br /> The war isn't done.<br /> <br /> And I've fought many dangers<br /> I've known many fears<br /> But have I ever fought<br /> To keep you all here?<br /> <br /> I'm sorry, I am<br /> I truly am.<br /> I should never have been<br /> Such a good-looking sham.<br /> <br /> I've said I care about you<br /> And really, I do.<br /> But actions beat words,<br /> And so it isn't true.<br /> <br /> Lately, it seems, I've been so morose<br /> And sometimes I think<br /> I ought to take the final dose.<br /> (It's times like these<br /> I'm glad we aren't so close.)<br /> <br /> What it is, I don't know<br /> But no longer can I row.<br /> The troubled waters surge<br /> And more I feel the urge<br /> To sink beneath them low and lie<br /> And no more breathe, and no more cry.<br /> <br /> The birds above are calling my knell;<br /> Into the dark of the grey sky I yell<br /> Of secrets I can never tell<br /> To someone I know, who knows my hell.<br /> <br /> Do save me, someone,<br /> Save me please.<br /> Do something<br /> Ere I begin to cease.<br /> Knowing not why, knowing not how<br /> I feel the dark come over me now.<br /> <br /> When I was born, I never thought<br /> That this was how it’d be.<br /> I never knew that love was bought<br /> By people I could never be.<br /> <br /> The water is dark and cold and stone<br /> And as much as I hate myself, I know<br /> That this isn't the way I want to go.<br /> This isn't the end I want to show. <br /><br />For once I'd like to give people hope <br />And stay a few constant thoughts of rope. <br />I'd bring sunshine smiles and laughter true <br />Filling the room and the rafters, too.<br /> <br /> The darkened water is calling me;<br /> It tells me that I can be free<br /> If only I will run into the sea<br /> If only I will hug its deep.<br /> <br /> I don't want to go,—I don't<br /> But it won't let me go—it won't.<br /> Just give me time to think and pray!<br /> I'd like to see another day.<br /> <br /> The night is waning<br /> The dawn is straining<br /> But somehow I'm still here complaining.<br /> <br /> Now again it calls my name<br /> And tells me that I don't have to be tame<br /> That I don't have to be the same<br /> Or continue to play this wicked game.<br /> <br /> So tell me, you, whoever you are<br /> Why should I not run into those arms?<br /> And rest then and always with simple charm<br /> Where my soul will nevermore come to be harmed.<br /> <br /> I hear the swish and roar of waves<br /> In the midst it still echoes my name<br /> And for all I know, I will not be saved<br /> As far as I know, I have never been craved.<br /> <br /> The wind whips in my face<br /> But I've never been in haste<br /> To let my breath go to waste<br /> Over such a thing as empty space.<br /> <br /> Looking out at the sea<br /> Reflected I see<br /> The being who is supposed to be me<br /> But for reasons can never truly be free.<br /> <br /> I couldn't post this anywhere<br /> Not anywhere but here.<br /> I couldn't let that many hear<br />These dark and dismal fears.<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The dark calls to me,</div>
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And if I can't be free</div>
<div>
Why should I not go out to sea</div>
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And know no more this reality?</div>
Tennessee Reethshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17509718857124842160noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2393489737146795380.post-18246660102724379082017-01-16T21:52:00.000-06:002017-01-17T09:07:36.644-06:00The Striving | Day 8: Tired, Tired, TiredI wish I could sleep forever. I wish I could lay down, and never arise from my slumber. What can I say? I'm tired today. I read a little. I worked mostly. And my goals?<br />
What goals?<br />
<br />
--<i>Reeths</i>Tennessee Reethshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17509718857124842160noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2393489737146795380.post-11044242209466576962017-01-15T22:43:00.000-06:002017-01-17T09:07:00.082-06:00The Striving | Day 7: Quite a Busy DayChurch was... I don't really know. I was dosing throughout most of the thing. We went to Pizza Ranch for my youngest brother's birthday. Yesterday he turned four years old. Hah. He's been harping on it for the last few weeks—since at least December, as I recall. That's where he wanted to go. Pizza Ranch.<br />
<br />
A few of my siblings and I had to leave early for our CyberPatriot round. It took six hours, but WHOO! We got a better score than I expected! It was pretty challenging, and I didn't think we had a chance of moving on. We'll see, though. Maybe we'll be able to continue.<br />
<br />
I finally talked with my brother about taking the position. He seemed to understand. Gave a bunch of advice about what I should do. I'm still doubtful about taking the position. But hey—I don't think I'm going to college this fall. So at least there's that.<br />
<br />
For some reason, I feel better about the future. I think it's because of the way he talks. It's this calm, you-don't-have-to-but-it'd-be-helpful thing. I don't know, maybe I'm just a bleeding heart.<br />
<br />
--<i>Reeths</i>Tennessee Reethshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17509718857124842160noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2393489737146795380.post-53696708232997745952017-01-14T21:02:00.000-06:002017-01-17T09:06:11.074-06:00The Striving | Day 6: A Day of PeaceToday was the <a href="http://www.wreathsacrossamerica.org/#join-us">Wreaths Across America</a> ceremony. It was freezing cold, and the ceremonial gloves were so thin my hands became chapped. But I enjoyed it. It was a beautiful, sunny day, and everyone was in good spirits. We took a few pictures to commemorate the ceremony, and then some left, while the rest of us stayed to lay wreaths upon the graves.<br />
<br />
The snow was the almost cake-y kind, where you could pack it into a snowball. Stepping in a foot deep of it, with dress shoes was not a fun experience. Having chunks of snow fall into your shoes and melt was not, by far, the best time you have ever had, either.<br />
<br />
When we had finished laying wreaths upon the graves, we returned to our cars and drove our separate ways. My sister and I went to visit our grandpa. Our aunt and one of our cousins were there, cleaning. They finished, and after talking a little, left.<br />
<br />
If you've ever had a conversation with me, you know what the atmosphere was like. Awkward. But on the whole, I appreciated it. He seemed to as well. We spent about half an hour or so more, and then we left for home.<br />
<br />
What it was about today that felt peaceful is well beyond me. Maybe I never heard anyone shouting angry words. Maybe it was because I was content with how the morning went. Maybe the sun was sunny enough.<br />
<br />
Something about today was peaceful. Maybe it was me.<br />
<br />
--<i>Reeths</i>Tennessee Reethshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17509718857124842160noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2393489737146795380.post-57169223825182669152017-01-13T22:27:00.000-06:002017-01-17T07:14:09.462-06:00The Striving | Day 5: It Continues to DragThe alarm rings. Once. Twice. Maybe three times. Possibly four. But all of that, I ignore. It's warm beneath the covers, there is comfort in the pitch darkness of the room. And so I sleep.<br />
And I wake<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">—</span>with a start. It is time to get up. To do something. Breakfast<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">—or lunch is dull and tasteless. I turn to study Management. But wait—there is something more interesting. I had better check this out.</span><br />
The time drags by on weighted wheels. I've become less productive. And it's not that I don't know it, it's just that I'm too tired to care. To write, even, is painful. Tomorrow. Tomorrow must be a better day, right?<br />
<br />
--<i>Reeths</i>Tennessee Reethshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17509718857124842160noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2393489737146795380.post-63125575698050558032017-01-12T23:44:00.000-06:002017-01-17T07:09:33.551-06:00The Striving | Day 4: But a Sliver of TimeThe day has gone by quick. It is late at night right now. I am tired. I may be so tomorrow, too. Hopefully I'll be able to talk to my brother about the position. I don't want to take it. Well, I don't think I would do enough. Or have enough time for it.<br />
They deserve better. Better than me, with no time. Who does not care about it the way a veteran would. I've been in a few months. What do I know about their beloved traditions? What do I care? I don't.<br />
Or maybe I do.<br />
<br />
--<i>Reeths</i>Tennessee Reethshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17509718857124842160noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2393489737146795380.post-76215552451555423052017-01-11T22:51:00.000-06:002017-01-17T07:07:50.138-06:00The Striving | Day 3: When It Begins to SlowProductivity has dropped. Or so I fear. The reading is creeping every slightly toward my goal. I hadn't known I was working today. Management, as always, was boring. Put me right to sleep. I'm tired from last night.<br />
One of my biggest fears is that I'll never have time to do what I want, what I love, what I <i>need</i>. Not for long. Life, I am not from a circus. I don't know how to juggle. There's so much to do and so little time to do it. Yes, it's a cliche. But it's a true one.<br />
<br />
--<i>Reeths</i>Tennessee Reethshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17509718857124842160noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2393489737146795380.post-34108560260621330582017-01-10T23:11:00.002-06:002017-01-15T09:41:20.614-06:00The Striving | Day 2: A SnagDay Two. It's the day that always catches up and bludgeons me from behind. And I'm not gonna say that it's not easy—that's a fact. But it ain't a surprise, either. This always happens. You get a good start, it's feeling good; day two rolls around and you're plummeting to your rocky death.<br />
<br />
It's a familiar day, this day. A familiar place, this place. And a thousand times when came the day, I've failed. So yes, it's hard. It's harder than you can imagine. After all, the easiest thing to do is give up. Like I said, done a thousand times before.<br />
<br />
Is there anything different about this time? No.<br />
<br />
Except maybe me.<br />
<br />
We all want to believe that we can change for the better. You want to believe it. I want to believe it. Never found a way to do that, though. Maybe tomorrow. They say tomorrow will be a better day.<br />
<br />
--<i>Reeths</i>Tennessee Reethshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17509718857124842160noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2393489737146795380.post-78326481678506398222017-01-09T20:23:00.001-06:002017-01-09T20:27:48.232-06:00The Striving | Day 1: A Small StartDo you remember my resolutions? The ones I talked about before? Today was my first day of implementing them. My daily goals, at least. Maybe not the ones I've published.<br />
<br />
Well, so far, I've done well, I think. To start off, I reorganized my closet and book space. It took a <b><i>long</i></b> time. After that, I prepared for work and left. When I returned, I ate supper, and finished '<i>If We Survive</i>.' So I only have one book left to go before I've completed my 'Read two books a week' goal.<br />
<br />
Management is just about as boring, if not more boring, than Marketing.<br />
<br />
Finished reading:<br />
<b>'If We Survive'</b> by <i>Andrew Klavan</i><br />
<br />
Currently reading:<br />
<b>'Night'</b> by <i>Elie Wiesel </i>(I've hardly started this book, and it's already brimming with emotion.)<br />
The Principles of Management (CLEP study guide)<br />
<br />
And even though I haven't done a lot, it feels like I have. A small victory has been won today. Tomorrow, I hope to say the same.<br />
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<br /></div>
<br />
--<i>Reeths</i>Tennessee Reethshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17509718857124842160noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2393489737146795380.post-73141180865459977552017-01-08T16:59:00.001-06:002017-01-08T16:59:45.594-06:002017 Is Another Year | Resolutions2017 is another year<br />
<br />
And soon, someday,<br />
<br />
I'll be right back here.<br />
<br />
When my previous goals<br />
<br />
Disappear.<br />
<br />
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Resolutions.<br />
<br />
Resolutions are a thing<br />
<br />
Throughout the years<br />
<br />
Has never changed.<br />
<br />
<br />
But I hope, no, <b>strive</b><br />
<br />
To be a man who<br />
<br />
One day finds<br />
<br />
That he can rise<br />
<br />
From the ashes<br />
<br />
Of depth and bitter<br />
<br />
Despair<br />
<br />
To find that he<br />
<br />
Is no longer there.<br />
<br />
<br />
The goals I have are many<br />
<br />
And challenges do quite abound.<br />
<br />
But I believe I can face them<br />
<br />
With the new strength I have found.<br />
<br />
~~~<br />
<br />
I haven't been too good about goals in years past, but I'm striving to get these ones done. A few of them I'll list here.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>One-time Goals:</b><br />
- Take Management CLEP test on January 26th<br />
- Take English Composition CLEP in February<br />
- Draft up teamwork speech<br />
- Finish Addition draft by end of February<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Recurring/Weekly Goals:</b><br />
- Read 3 chapters of Management<br />
- Finish 2 books a week<br />
- Write (and publish) 1 blog post a week<br />
- Watch 10 videos on cybersecurity/CyberPatriot<br />
<br />
Goals are always a hard thing for me to make. Because I don't know how to get them done. I'm a procrastinator. Procrastinators don't <i>do</i> anything. They let things happen. And that's who I've been for a while. So it's really hard to break something that's been built up for a long time.<br />
<br />
So it sounds like a lie, but I'm sure gonna try.<br />
<br />
--<i>Reeths</i>Tennessee Reethshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17509718857124842160noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2393489737146795380.post-52349247179804865082017-01-08T16:08:00.000-06:002017-01-08T16:08:29.901-06:00It Is Well with My Soul | State of MindRecently I've been... well, struggling, I guess. I've never been a good organizer. And that's what I need to be at this point in my life. This particular point I need more energy than previous years. And I have no energy. I haven't had energy for years.<br />
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Things have been hard for me. I've been trying to decide between what I want, and what I need to do to make it in the world—in life. What is a more important venture? To be alive or stay living? To do what I love to do, or to do what I have to do?<br />
<br />
I've been through a lot of turmoil lately, and it hasn't been easy. It's... never been easy, really. But I'm trying to find peace. So I'd like to share one of my favorite hymns, even though it's not my favorite rendition.<br />
<br />
The story behind this hymn is actually absolutely harrowing and full of heartache. His four-year-old son died from scarlet fever, and two years later, his four daughters perished when the steamship <i>Ville du Havre</i> collided without another ship, and sunk.<br />
<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It_Is_Well_with_My_Soul"><br /></a>
<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It_Is_Well_with_My_Soul">It Is Well with My Soul</a> penned by <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horatio_Spafford">Horatio Spafford</a>.<br />
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To think that he could write such a song of peace amidst his troubled life is helpful to hear.</div>
<br />
--<i>Reeths</i>Tennessee Reethshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17509718857124842160noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2393489737146795380.post-59260459851863608772016-11-02T18:24:00.000-05:002016-11-18T12:24:13.544-06:00NaNoWriMo | Day 2: Picking Up SteamWell, I've made it to 198 words, and I've met my goal of 100 words.<br />
<br />
<b>Daily word count</b>: 182 words.<br />
<b>Overall word count</b>: 198 words.<br />
<br />
<i>--Reeths</i>Tennessee Reethshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17509718857124842160noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2393489737146795380.post-90574699614790611442016-11-01T18:10:00.000-05:002016-11-02T22:58:00.667-05:00NaNoWriMo | Day 1: The First Page... Or the first sentence, apparently.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cxf4ZwEXoF0/WBld1v5dqBI/AAAAAAAACzA/PX4u61HFEbgwZqPO1W-s6uzYI37ql8kVwCK4B/s1600/16words.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cxf4ZwEXoF0/WBld1v5dqBI/AAAAAAAACzA/PX4u61HFEbgwZqPO1W-s6uzYI37ql8kVwCK4B/s320/16words.png" width="220" /></a></div>
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At the end of the day... I've written 16 words. I mean, it's a rough start, but I'll take it.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<i>--Reeths</i></div>
Tennessee Reethshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17509718857124842160noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2393489737146795380.post-68170872534608373122016-10-31T19:12:00.000-05:002016-11-01T23:14:10.369-05:00NaNoWriMo | Day 0: The Day Before #GoalsThere's a lot of excitement balled up in me right now. And as tempting as it is to think that it's in my stomach... okay it probably isn't. But sure seems like it.<br />
<br />
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In other news, I've actually started blogging. (<i>Yussss.</i>) Hopefully I can actually start blogging (like I had intended to when I first created the pesky thing) about topics that I think about. It'll probably be about sensitive topics, but who knows.<br />
<br />
This year, I'm going to be a lot more focused carving my first draft into my paper. And while I'm doing that, I hope to learn a lot more about character and story. Hopefully you'll stick along for the journey.<br />
<br />
I'll be trying to finish my Nanowrimo project from last year. The book about addition. I mean, the name is literally '<b><i>Addition</i></b>.' It's about time I slap down a draft of that elusive story.<br />
<br />
Ever since I passed that <i>Dreadful</i> Marketing CLEP, I've moved on to English Comp. And I would have tried to take it in November, but since I'm taking the ACT in December, my mom cautioned me to wait until after that to take the CLEP to see how I do on the writing portion.<br />
<br />
All in all, I decided that before every month starts, I would come on here and list my goals for that month. Hence, this is a post about goals. <br />
<h2>
November Goals</h2>
<ul>
<li>Finish first draft of Addition</li>
<li>Study for English Comp</li>
<li>Write essays to prepare for English Comp</li>
<li>Improve math skills (in preparation for the Algebra CLEP)</li>
<li>Make headway on other stories</li>
<li>Reply to conversations</li>
<li>Blog consistently</li>
<li>Practice handwriting and piano</li>
</ul>
<br />
<br />
I don't know if you'll be doing Nanowrimo, but I am, and I've made myself a promise.<br />
<i>I'm not going to let my past failures dictate whether or not I achieve my goals in November.</i><br />
<br />
<i>--Reeths</i> Tennessee Reethshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17509718857124842160noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2393489737146795380.post-90078695280009295082016-09-14T21:04:00.000-05:002016-09-14T22:14:13.384-05:00An Exciting BeginningSo I'm starting this blog to get my thoughts out. I hope something good comes out of it.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>--Reeths</i></div>
Tennessee Reethshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17509718857124842160noreply@blogger.com1